I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
