he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
