Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
