The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
