We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
