One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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