She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
