some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
