6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
