why didn't you poke me back
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
