my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
