Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
