Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
