Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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