some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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