nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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