Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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