can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
