Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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