the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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