So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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