ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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