what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
