I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
