i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
