she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
