i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
