They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
