3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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