he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
