he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
