Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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