going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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