Pants 0. Shit 1.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
