I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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