I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
