We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
