I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
