The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
