I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
