Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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