And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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