Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
