There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
