just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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