What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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