im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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