this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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