i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
