so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
