Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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