I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's just like the Real World with babies
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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