with your own penis?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
