So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
