i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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