Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
