Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
