Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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