I got chris browned last night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
