i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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