tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
