If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
