Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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