I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
