I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
