96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
